Mother’s Day: Perspectives
Becoming a mother has been the most joyful, challenging, anxiety-provoking, and meaningful experience of my life. It’ll be the most important role I’ll have, the most important privilege I’ll be given - to raise 2 daughters. Since becoming a mother, my emotional capacity has been tested, expanded, and widened. Becoming a mother has allowed me to resonate and offer compassion to so many women - even those that choose to “mother” in a different way than me and whose journey to becoming a mother is different than mine. The culture of judging moms and women who choose not to be a mom has gained significant steam over the years - especially over social media. Why do we do this to each other? Especially, when we know how hard life can be without this judgment.
All too often, motherhood is considered an inconvenience and disruption to life. Planes, restaurants, weddings, events...if a child is too loud, if a mom breastfeeds, she’s running late, or her attention is split because she’s trying to do too much. The judgment and assumptions shift the way she’s treated by both strangers and those closest to her.
Birth, childhood, parenting - these are all fundamental to our existence and to act like these things are disrupting life, is to neglect the origin of life. I’ve gathered some helpful perspectives to keep in mind this coming Mother’s Day. They can certainly be helpful throughout the year as well.
We don’t have to entirely understand someone’s life situation to have compassion, softness and empathy. We don’t have to even fully agree with their life situation in order to choose a path of acceptance rather than judgment.
It takes a village is a widespread saying for a reason - we weren't meant to raise a child just on our own - that’s a shift that’s been happening slowly over the course of many years. It’s so damaging to judge mothers who choose to work or who choose to stay at home with their children. This country doesn't support women in parenting in so many ways (i.e. unpaid parental leave, too little parental leave, expensive childcare options, culture to “bounce back” quickly to resume pre-mom body, etc.). Each mom is doing her best with her current situation.
Not every woman decides to be a mom and that’s okay! Why are we forcing women to think they need to become a mom? Becoming a parent is a lifetime decision - it takes much thought, sacrifice and compromise. It shouldn’t be a decision made based on societal pressure.
Not everyone has a good and loving relationship with their mom. Maybe their mom was overly critical. Or she wasn't present. Or she had her own struggles that didn’t allow her to be what her child needed. We can feel motherly love from others in our lives. An aunt that knows our favorite food. A friend that comes over for tea and offers us comfort and love. Or even a sibling that provides guidance and validation. Look to see how you’re receiving and being offered love from others, especially if this day is a difficult one.
Moms are allowed to feel all their feelings. Where did we get this notion that all moms should only feel gratitude all the time for their lives and children? Sometimes, it is just a very frustrating situation and that is the overpowering feeling. It doesn’t mean the mom also doesn’t love their child. Humans can feel 2 things at once and one feeling doesn't negate the other - even if the 2 feelings are opposite.
I hope these perspectives create a pause in your day the next time you see a mom, your mom or someone considering becoming a mom. Shift from criticism to curiosity. Let yourself reflect on your own biases and judgements around moms. Some may have some from your own relationship with your mom.
